Monday, May 27, 2024

6 wrong ideas about durable relationships

ID-100169955 true love

Many of us have a false image about what love and a (good) relationship should be like. We saw many Disney cartoons and many Hollywood movies, which taught us how the perfect relationship should look like. If the relationship is not perfect, we should discard it and immediately look for the right one.

Here are 6 wrong ideas about lasting relationships, which could ruin our happiness:

1. In order for a couple to be solid, the soulmate should have been met and the True Love should have came around.

There are couples, which are far from being perfect, but the partners are a good match. Of course there could be other better possibilities, but the biggest advantage these partners offer is that they are (existing). So, stop chasing some movie love and concentrate on the real world (real love).

2. Living in a couple ruins each partner’s independence.

We love our independence, but living in a couple gives us a sense of affiliation. We can keep our autonomy, as long as we are sharing the information with our partners (and so do they).

3. Immediately after becoming a couple, all that counts now is the relationship.

This is a frequent misunderstanding of the newly wed (coupled). In order not to ruin each others independence, the two should keep doing independent stuff (like bowling with friends or shopping).

4. O couple should live on egalitarian basis and the roles should be interchangeable.

Not egalitarianism is the keyword, but equity. A man can not give birth, a woman is not able to do hard physical work. Each partner should give first and only after that expect something in return. And, the most important, feelings can not be identical. We can not (should not) await the same feelings from our partner.

5. Within a couple there should be no secrets between the partners, everything has to be shared with each other.

This belief is deceptive and is a consequence of our belief in the (one and only) True Love. The ability to keep secrets about your intimate thoughts is sane and necessary for a balanced relationship. This does not mean that we should lie to each other, but sometimes is better to keep silent about certain fantasies.

6. The only life worth living is as a heterosexual couple with children.

During the history, there were several types of families: matriarchal, patriarchal, homosexual, network families (divorced parents with their new spouses or partners) and so on … Nothing obligates us to remain fixated on a certain relationship (family) type.

Read more about it: Gérard Apfeldorfer Les Relations durables

Image  courtesy of Vichaya Kiatying-Angsulee /

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